How to Prepare for a Puppy
• Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
• Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by the blender.
• Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy, go potty - now hurry upcome on, let's go!"
• Cover all your best clothes with dog hair. Dark clothes must use white hair; light clothes must use dark.
• Float some hair in your first cup of coffee in the morning.
• Play "catch" with a wet tennis ball.
• Run out in the snow/rain in your bare feet to close the gate.
• Tip over a basket of clean laundry; scatter clothing all over the floor.
• Leave your underwear on the living room floor because that's where the puppy will drag it anyway...especially when company is coming.
• Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and run to the door shouting "NO, NO! DO THAT OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the program.
• Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning; don't clean it up until you get home from work in the evening.
• Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a screwdriver...it's going to get chewed on anyway.
• Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself.
• This is the feeling you will get when your puppy falls asleep on your lap.